we will always remember this.

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 04:49:46 GMT

we used to be a lot of things, but oh darling, darling, how we've changed.

woah

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 05:52:34 GMT

Yeah, what she said.

:)

Entry soon, I promise.

00003

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 05:04:39 GMT

Ok, so we've been bad bloggers.

But really, we haven't had any spare moment to ourselves, really. And, well, we've had a few spare moments, but we haven't had enough time to really get caught up with our online lives.

So, we're in Chicago, we're in our dorm, it's amazing, and we'll try to update later.

rule breakerrr

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 01:25:34 GMT

Hooray for accessing the Denver internet for free! Oh I love at&t! It accepted my username and password (since I have at&t internet service at home) for the at&t wi-fi login....eeep! I remember trying this back in the airport in Dallas and being disappointed...but I've learned a lesson: always try, try again!

Anyway, next time I write in this, I will be in Chicago.
omfgawsh.
Can you believe it?
Not me's!! No way. This has been my dream for about six years now....and it's finally coming true.

00002

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:22:32 GMT

I'm in Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. I'm glad there's free wifi, because I just sort of overheard that we're not going to leave Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport until 5:00pm in the evening.

Or maybe in the morning, I don't know.

Possibly six hours until I'm in Chicago.

00001

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 04:55:30 GMT

I've decided to start over on the count, since we're going to go to Chicago and all, going to start brand new lives, etc.

So! The day after tomorrow, we're going to leave for the University of Chicago. My flight is at 12, so I'll be at the airport around 10:30am, leave at 12:20, then arrive at around 8:30 or 9:00pm. She's going to leave around 3, so I think she's going to be at the airport around 1:30pm, and I think she's going to get there at midnight. :)

She's going to be staying with some of her cousins, and I'm going to be staying in the Chicago City Centre with my brother. I'm really excited, it seems like a really ritzy place and there's an INDOOR pool that I just might visit. And then the day after we're going to move in and all of that fun stuff.

I don't really have much to say right now, because we haven't gotten there yet so I just don't have much in the way of information.

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 07:18:07 GMT

Now, one month and a half.

...haven't really prepared much.

Gotta get my meningitis shot, man.

Also, for those of you who don't know, Dixy and I are/were on Medicaid, and now that we've turned 18, we're going to run out of coverage. Which leaves us without insurance, and we actually have to show proof of insurance to the school.

So, unless we get other insurance affordable to college students, we have to give $1k to a university insurance. And we still have to co-pay.

DIXY AND I NEED PROPER INSURANCE. BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, WE'RE AT SOME MEDICAL FACILITY AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH.

Gawsh.

beeeep.

dix, we should take the diag test already.

It's about time

Sat, 05 May 2007 21:34:12 GMT

We will be leaving to the University of Chicago in approximately four months! Not only that - -WE WILL BE ROOMMATES!

dixy[at]uchicago.edu and
ivy[at]uchicago.edu.

Absolutely wonderful! They look so perfect and well, so perfectly well!

I am thinking maybe we should really start paying attention to this again, especially as this new phase of our life begins!

College, bicycles, Shoreland Hall, Lake Michigan, the 6th, la 26, laptops, courses, dining halls, advisors, book rooms, downtown Chicago, etc.

We are up for the time of our lives, darling.

00050-something?

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 16:14:33 GMT

OK, I lost count.

I'm a bad, bad journaler.

Dixy will be leaving me to go to reed in a few days! :*((

Sadness, but Portland is awesome and it's an amazing pportunity to check out a college. Who knows, maybe she'll fall in love with it and go there and live happily ever after.

^^

And TAGETHER we're going to go U-Chi, and I can't can't can't can't wait.

<3

lover ya

----missfork

[praise LIFE praise GOD]

066

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 23:40:48 GMT

Alright, I don't know if this entry should count because I didn't actually go to school today.

I stayed home and slept until about 130 ish, or at least that's when I got OUT of bed and put my contacts in.

BUT, at around 830, dixy and I did go grocery shopping, which was wonderful magical fun.

I bought--

1 cup of instant alfredo pasta
1 bottle of classic alfredo sauce
1 6-pack of Tot's Appple Juice boxes
2 cans of Chicken and Wild Rice soup
1 box of granola bars
1 lunchables thingie
1 box of turkey slices (oh yah, baby)
1 package of hogey bread
24 bottles of Aquafina

<3

Trust us, we live a good life.

COUNTDOWN

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 23:47:11 GMT

067

Today was deborah and my first day back at school from spring break. In seventh period, which is really the fourth period of the day for us on mondays, Ms. Skindell informed us that there were only 67 school days to go.

I'm going to try my very hardest to write in this every single day of our last days of high school.

Today, I said to Dixy that I can't express to her how badly I don't want to go to our graduation. If I had led a slightly different sort of life thus far and was slightly different, I know that I would want to and that I would have some sort of appreciation for the ritual of ending high school. For me, going through high school was in large part bullshit, and the sort of ritual that they've set up as an end for it, to me, doesn't seem to fit at all. I'm sure I'll look forward to my college graduation. I also think that I'm dreading my high school graduation because I always thought that by this time, I would have so much more to show for myself.

In elementary school I always thought that by a certain age I would be so different and look so different and seem so different. I always wanted to meet up with some of the girls from the cheerleading squad on days that I thought I looked good so they could be like, 'Wow, Ivy, you really have changed.'

Wait a minute, I just realized that I stopped caring about my appearance at school a while ago, and although they might see me and still see the girl with the incredibly bushy eyebrows and the trouble with the grooming, it's a completely different girl from the one who used to hide in the bathroom of her middle school on days that there were pep rallies.

It's funny, because a lot of people think that people want to be a cheerleader because it's all about being seen or having school spirit, or whatever, but that wasn't what it was for me. It was about being part of something, about being a part of a group and learning of their quirks and being... an important-ish part of it that at least baffled some people. Well, actually, ito nly became that near the end. But I was in it in the first place for the feeling of it, the feeling of your slim (although I wasn't so slim, then) body jumping up and down, or moving forward, even the running and the rigorous training we had to do.

Gee, did I just spend like half this entry talking about my time as a cheerleader? Yes, I did. Oh well, such if life, right? Pretty soon I have to really get my life together and start working on the magazine! I wanted to get some sleep, but my mom made dinner pretty quick and so I didn't get more than 20 minutes of sleep and then when the food was ready it was too hot and the coke was too cold (like almost frozen) so I just finished my food and my time-line for sleeping is 15 minutes from being up.

*sneeze*

Well! I am sure that I am not alone in saying that despite high school being bullshit, these four years of my life haven't been defined by just being in high school. They've been defined by finding myself and finding love and losing friends and begin to define and see myself just a little bit more clearly.

Love dixy/deborah, love life...

Praise God.

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 03:07:03 GMT

I love the layout of this journal! Don't you think? Of course, it looks its most beautiful when it's filled with paragraph after paragraph of substantial writing, which I haven't been able to give it lately. I'm really, really ashamed of how unable I've been to really commit to writing every day. I write in my own journals, of course, but there's something different about putting your work on the internet, even if it's in private journals that nobody can or will see.

Dixy and I are great young ladies. We both have steady boyfriends and like to live our lives a certain way, but we're pretty crazy anyway. We love shopping at dollar stores (and we've decided that there's a severe shortage in EP).

004

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 04:44:21 GMT

Have I---Have I had the AUDACITY not to write in this beautiful, beautiful journal with my beautiful, beautiful dixy?

Yes, yes I have, and it's a deeply shameful fact. Since we have written here, Dixy and I have been accepted to the Unviersity of Chicago, and we may soon be writing these entries from there--!! Together!! Here's hoping, anyway. I still have to get all of my shit together, eep!

Hopefully all will work out, however, and they will give us tons of money and we will be able to room together.

Or something.

Also---! We went to NMSU to accept some scholarships and stuff.

Also, dixy stirred up the school by writing up a very true, long-overdue editorial about the school. I think I'll let her write more about that.

^^

And---most recently, we played a drinking game to the State of the Union Address!

Love ya babe!

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 04:21:28 GMT

deb & charles are in Grinnell, Iowa. It's very very different from what I expected and I am severely afraid that I am making a fool of myself.

SAVE ME.

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 18:10:03 GMT

EYEVEE.SAVE ME.
ahem.

i am in the dome. so, so bored.
the bell should've rung by now (they lied, they LIED to me.)
but hey, shorter classes, right? shorter physics ^^.
m----- was angry about me gonig with saul yesterday.
howhowhow am i going to deal with this right now?

when eamon leaves, i will take ivy out for ice cream & brick.
maybe we'll illegally download the sleep of science and watch it while eating cartons of bluebunny. ^^

today is a good enough day to run away or die or something.
maybe we should become crackwhores and paint beautiful pictures of each other.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 19:01:04 GMT

I feel a strange sort of wholesome. It’s against my beliefs to say it’s strange, really, but I feel it’s justified because of how many fears I’ve got inside me, just under the surface, just about to spill out. Eamon asked me if I wanted to go to the 3D showing of The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Hey, hey

on this morning 9.7.5

Analyze me
Analyze me
Please just analyze me

Woke up this…today
Feel not alright
Not quite okay

So do a chekup, see that everything’s
Alright
They
(‘they’)
Stuck a thermom in my heart
The reading was - STONE COLD
Used that little hammer
To see if she reflected when
You hit her soul
With it…with anything
“take some copper-steel encased in platinum
In pill-form,
Let’s see if we can make you harder or
If you’re too hard let’s
Make you softer
Until you’re too hard
Until you’re too soft
Ok ok

_._._._._._._._>_>_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

I got everything on. I got the Royal Tenenbaums on and I’ve got a lot of hope and I’ve got some specials playing, too. Yesterday, I was so scared.

Of that feeling.

Where you’re jyust lost and you’re not exactly sure where you’re going or what you’re gonna do when you get there or ANYTHING or ANYTHING.

Thank goodness by honeybee is so good at taking care of me.

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 06:55:32 GMT

Alright.
What?
Ok.
Writing my essay thingie for Garrison, the letter to the Author.
I'm writing to Ayn Rand.
My contacts really hurt but I'm too lazy to take them off and dip them in some fluid.

THERE IS A HELLO KITTY VIBRATOR.

...um, OK, yahoo isn't loading for me. Yahoo would always be the site I would test browsers on to see if they were properly connected to the internet.

omk.

Dixy is still sick.
Me sad.
Don't like seeing DIxy sick.
PLEASE DON'T TAKE HER TONSELS OUT~!
THEN HOW CAN WE PLAY TONSEL HOCKEY~

I...

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 05:18:32 GMT

Yes, yes, the feeling comes often where all around you just feel nodding heads all around you. But mostly in class. Sometimes in life. I see people and I know that they do catch glimpses of life.

My Dixy love is sick. PLEASE GET BETTER MY DIXY LOVE! PLEASE~! [She's got the strep throats, so we can't make out. Doubledang&Ultrasad.]

...what? It pisses me off so fucking much that Zob calls me 'Yvette.' I ahve told him repeatedly not to do so. That name is sacred and it should not pass his cokehead cocksucking lips. Or Aaron's name, either. But there's no exact way I can stop him from doing that. After all, he is a close friend of that fucking slut Zina.

My chair squeeks a lot. I got a hello kitty ntbk. Dixy-love, you wouldn't like it, it's wide-ruled. But the lines are blue and it's got little hibiscus-looking flowers and I'm only writing in it with the blue pencil.

~gonna go shower, brb~

That was a nice shower. Before the shower, my baby boy called, his voice sounds so... *sigh*... when he's been asleep. It's almost like the only thing on his mind is me.

^_^

Oh, wish you had respect for this love, this love that is so pure that you can't imagine it.

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 23:18:58 GMT

I have two messages in my myspace inbox.
One of them is from ashley, saying 'PLEASE READ' as the subject.
The other one is from Myndi, saying 'msg for ivy.'

I WILL BET MY TOE THAT THE ONE FROM MYNDI IS GOING TO ASK ME SOMETHING ABOUT CAL.

And she just imed me just now.
Onecheap******* (5:16:17 PM): excuse me for bugging you, but do you know when the review is due

Ahem.

oh, it's not!!
msg for ivy
Body: good afternoon ivy.
i hope you had a fantastic lunch with your father.
and i say! we need to have lunch again.
cause you're awesome.

I'M HAPPEEE~!

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 15:45:07 GMT

This is my home. Anybody who dares trespass or destroy will fear my WRATH.
I want to go to ny and spend all my life a winter there.
There used to always be this undercurrent in my emotions, either all-around despair or all-around fear or all-arounnd happiness. Now, I'm pretty jumpled up. There's a bit of hopelessness in some of my relatiobships; I found out today that somebody I'm very close to lied to me about something and kept the rest of it inside without alluding to it and without telling me the rest.

But to me, it rises certain questions that my mind will try and try again to answer - because it's such a riddle. Why are you so upset at being forced to do something you said you would eventually do yourself? I'm confused, confused, and the only thing that confuses me is hope, hope that these things lead to... well, it doesn't matter. That issue is dead.

The issue that isn't dead is the lie and the ommission.

But those closest to me don't hold much respect for me, anyway. I guess it has something to do with how loud I am, how rash, how quick to say some opinions and declare them as conclusions - although I know that everythign I say is not a conclusion already made, I know how easily I can change my mind, how truly easy it is to sway me sometiems if you'd just try.

But no, no, no, no, no...
Heaven knows I don't get second chances, not real ones, not lasting ones.

It happens shit happens.

time, take us forward

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 17:52:59 GMT

You can feel it. You can sense things changing with each day. His feelings for you are now much, much more than they were before. The way he clings to you and pulls you close to him and doesn't want to let you go. The way he whispers into your ear, saying that he loves you and feels as if he's finally home. And when you make love, he looks right into your eyes and smiles.

And you make the way out of his room and out of his arms and back to where you belong. You lay under the covers with him on the telephone, listening to him tell you how much he wants to leave this city. You beg him, come, come away with me, where the buildings are bigger than our sadness and will keep us safe. come with me to that city so we can keep each other warm."

And he thinks about it, really does. He does not answer but you know that the thought has now been engraved deeply into his mind. And the wors thing is that you don't even know if that's what you really want.

Then that other boy calls you, the one that swears his love to you profoundly by night, but makes love to another girl by day. You laugh with him, thinking "yeah, my heart feels pure and good, but he's not what i want"

And what you don't realize is that you're sweating and feeling suffocated. You cry a little, he says he loves you and you say you don't believe him and he says he doesn't care. You have created a bigger mess for yourself than you can handle.

Suddenly, somehow, when you were not looking, life became more complicated and busy than you ever could have imagined.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 13:51:22 GMT

what I'm going to do today

go to school
go to stupid tvc meeting
eat bk
go to school more
go homm
sleep
rollerskate
cry a lil
go sleep

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 15:59:24 GMT

oh darling, darling dizzy,
I'm in despair. This place that is the exeter is filled with... well... it's just a very uncomfrotable place right now. I feel like the outsider again, and it's not fair for me to feel that way... becuase they signed up for this, after all, and I'm only asking them to do what they wanted to do in the first place - have a hand in the creation of the magazine. I don't know if you feel like this, because Scriptoria is also beginning to fill up with lower-rate writers. I guess another part of this that frustrates me is that these are all creative minds, they're just too busy with being cool with the other people here that... oh, it's horrible, it's horrible, but I'm going to have real delight in grading their assignments, they're all going to get below fifty or something...which is a bad thing to wish, I know, but they've had like a bazillion weeks to do this.

Anyway. We should study more together and do more homework together, although please please please not in your room. [Save some face, you know you've only got one...] I like lying on your bed, but I hate above all else in this world to do homework on your bed. ^_^ Even the kitchen is better. We should do that thing where we read our journals out loud to each other again, although this time I'll use a more substantial journal. Maybe we cna do it today, while we're cleaning my room. [Roxanne.... you don't have to put on the red light.] I don't think it'll take that long, we don't ahve to be that thorough. Maybe about 80% thorough, if there is such a thing. I need to find a new Sans-Serif font that's simple & pure, any ideas? Franklin Gothic Book is too contrived. I'm filled with this resentment in me that just won't go away. Exeter used to be my sanctuary, dix, my sanctuary. everybody is late everyday, every fucking day. And some of them are like 2 minutes late, some 5 minutes, some 10 minutes, some 15, some 20... what the fuck kinda shit is that? I'm so sad about it, really. I'm sort of past being pissed, I'm just sad and frustrated. I need a new icon for this thing... maybe a duotone hibiscus flower. ^_^
[Close my eyes, feel me now..... I don't know.... how you could not love me now...]
I feel so bad that you've been so busy and that I've been unable to help. I have this FANTASTIC idea, and I hope you like it: how 'bout I write your vocabulary words all nice and neat, I'll use a 0.5 pencil or something, and then, so you can actually learn them, you can type them all into the computer, if you like. Or I can type them in for you and you can just review them and then you can have them done and it will be just peachy keen, just peachy keen. If you want tonight my mom might be willing to buy us Little Ceasar's or something. :|_| Gosh, they're talking about something that is not theme, I assure you, and neither will it help them to better writ theme. GARRR.... It's so cold in this room, too. I so didn't want this, so didn't want to be the bad guy.

[Will you remember the dress I wore, will you remember my fa..ace?]

Garrr....

Ok, apparently the kind of stencils we like are called embossing stencils and Danielle had one today and it was cute and hardcore. And I found this
http://froogle.google.com/froogle?q=alphabet+embossing+stencils&btnG=Search
Maybe we can go to Michael's and go find some.

Love ya. Bye.

will we shake this off?

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 21:34:36 GMT

more?

don't you just feel free & whole?

[this place is dry & our hearts are the opposite]

& how free are we, really?

i think this place is on fire with love

the night will always understand what the day doesn't

once, you were so empty & dead to me

sometimes i get confused about who i really am & where i really belong

this place is not what it used to be

stay in front of the storm

& one day, the sky will fall on us

i never believed you when you told me it was this beautiful. but now i know

it's thoughts like this that keep me sane & so in love with Him

Man, Life Got so CRAZY!

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 01:25:34 GMT

Honestly! When did all of this happen?! I haven't been keeping track of my homework at ALL.

Ok, you know what? Nevermind. I guess not that much at all has happened, or at least I can't THINK of anything right now except of course dixy's proposal. But that's crazy enough, neh? We also had a revival thingie, and I went to aparty, and I went to a class of COnfirmation III. It wasn't so bad.

oK, WOW: fREAKY LETTER TO DIX:

......"Does FBLA help you to get a job? You know, we could get a job at BLS (Bilingual Language Services); I heard it pays $8 an hour. Money money money money, dizzy. Money=long drives with Conor & Morrissey and Dido and Nancy Sinatra and maybe, somedays, Britney Spears. Just kidding. I feel like there is somethign better to do with my time. ('The teks taks teks... blah blah blah taks teks.')"

Oh no! The horrible BRS mess was ALL MY FAULT.